We all have beliefs and assumptions about relationships. Some are helpful and supportive while others are fundamentally flawed and can get us into trouble. Below is a list of some of the more common beliefs (and behaviours) that create problems in relationships.

  1. If you loved me you would know what I want (what I mean).
  2. Saying you can’t listen to me right now means you don’t love me.
  3. You can’t understand since you don’t feel the same way.
  4. You know what would make me happy but you are purposely not doing it.
  5. You know how I feel about that issue and should avoid bringing it up.
  6. If I hide my feelings and go along as though nothing is wrong, things will get better.
  7. If I disagree with you, you won’t love me.
  8. Giving in for now and not making waves will get us through this rough spot.
  9. The future of our relationship rests on being able to resolve this argument now.
  10. If I don’t fight back, you’ll get the best of me.
  11. Because we have a difference of opinion, we are incompatible.
  12. I’m right and you’re wrong.
  13. Rather than bringing up the problem now, I’ll wait and see what happens.
  14. I can’t change and/or you can’t change.

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